4 Tips To Help Kids Through Difficult Times

The skills component of dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), a type of cognitive behavioral therapy, focuses on the four key skill modules of mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotion regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness (aka “people skills”).

The four tips provided are an example of skills that can be found in the DBT Steps-A Social Emotional Learning Curriculum. These skills are helpful for anyone, and in particular children and adolescents who may be experiencing a lot of emotions given the pandemic we are in. The DBT Steps-A skills discussed in this webinar can help to diminish problem behaviors, and teach kids coping skills for managing difficult emotions for their current situation, and for life going forward.

1. Use the concept of WISE MIND

Your Wise Mind is a combination of your Reasonable Mind (what you think to be true), and your Emotion Mind (what you feel to be true). Your Wise Mind is what you know to be true based on both thoughts and feelings. The concept of Wise Mind is especially useful for creating a common language between adults and kids. Ask questions like, "Do you think you are in Emotion Mind right now?" Or, "What would be a Wise Mind decision"?

2. Replace “BUT” with “AND”

Simply replacing the word “BUT” with “AND” increases acceptance and acknowledgement in your interactions with others. “BUT” acts as an eraser, whereas “AND” opens us up to other perspectives. For example, consider the following statements: "You studied really hard for the test, BUT you got a D," vs. "You studied really hard for the test, AND you got a D." The difference is subtle and significant—in the BUT statement the studying feels invalidated (erased), however in the AND statement the studying feels acknowledged and even appreciated.

3. AWARENESS, ACCEPTANCE, ACTION

Radically accepting your current situation helps you move away from thinking about how things could or should be different. "My kids should be going to school this fall," or "I wish we could travel, see friends," etc. Acceptance doesn’t have to mean you like what is happening! There can still be feelings of grief, anger, and sadness. By practicing awareness and acceptance, you are then able to take effective action—to problem solve and come up with ways to make improvements.

4. Use PLEASE skills:

Physical health

Limit screen time

Eat a balanced diet

Avoid overindulgence

Sleep

Exercise daily

Being mindful of these six core directives helps to decrease your vulnerability to emotions. Consider taking care of your body like making daily deposits in the bank. Doing so helps minimize the impact when you have large emotional withdrawals. If you have made regular deposits, the impact of the withdrawals won’t be as big on your bank account.

We hope these four tips are helpful for you, your students, and your children.